2010 - Walking through the desert

2010 is over - finally.  It has been a long year and a very difficult one for me.  I cannot say why this year was different than any other one.  Why would the 4 year mark be harder than any other?  I've thought a lot about this and have been kicking some things around in my head over the past several weeks.  I've wondered if I would even publicly comment on this, but decided I would.  Perhaps it is simply cathartic for me, or maybe it will encourage someone else in some way.

My blog's name...God is Good is one I chose after my twins were born.  My faith was strong and that was the solid foundation of my life.  God is good. He is sovereign.  He cared enough for me to send His son to die...for me.  Wow.  That is truly amazing!  But this past year and a half I've had a lot of questions and no answers.  (We'll get to that in a minute).  My questions....well they are the ones that are expected. "Why did Nathaniel have to die?"  "Why did this happen to my baby?"  "Was there something I could have done differently to prevent this from happening?"
And then questions I truly never thought would pop into my brain that have shaken my foundation to the very core.  "Why does this sovereign God that loves us, allow such horrible things to happen?"  And somehow this question made me remember a horrible story that I heard many years ago about a little girl who was adopted from Russia by a U.S. man, who then was abused and locked in a basement.  What?  Why do I think about these things?  I guess I can look at something so obviously horrible, like the holocaust, and it isn't tangible to me.  It was a long time ago.  I didn't know anyone who was tortured or died from that event in history.  But I vivdly thought about this precious child who had high hopes for a better life being crushed by a monster.
Ok so I've digressed a little, but these questiuons started to stay with me.  I wasn't mad at God per se, but I had started to not trust Him completely.  He doesn't promise that my children will remain healthy.  Why should I pray when I don't trust God with the answer....that I may not like at all.  I prayed for twins and that prayer was answered.  I prayed that my babies would be healthy...that prayer was not.  This has been my view this past year.  So why should I pray?  I never finished writing this post and never published it until now...I'm in a much better place now, but it has been a hard road.

Merry Christmas!

What an incredible Christmas!  The kids, Gabe especially, have been so excited about Santa coming.  Everyday Gabe would get up and put an ornament on our Mickey Mouse Advent tree.
Christmas morning it was everything Star Wars here at the house, along with a little thomas the train.  The boys had so much fun opening their gifts Christmas morning.  Gabe's favorite gift is the Imperial Walker Santa brought.  That was number one on his list of things he wanted.  Gavin got a train and a tricycle along with all sorts of other toys.
After opening presents and having breakfast at home,we headed to Chad & Steph's house to have Christmas with allof them.