Me and Gabe took our cat Harpo to the vet today because he had an ear hematoma. Basically his ear had bubbled up into a huge blood-filled blister (it looked like a sopapilla). :)

Anyhow, the vet had me carry him back and Gabe was so good and just stood quietly by me as I carried Harpo and placed him on the scale and then into the cage. As we were going to leave him for the day so they could do a minor operation to fix his ear, Gabe stood in the lobby and said, "Harpo." (I should interject here and say that anytime Gabe is asking whether he will be able to go do something he puts his hand over his heart and sort of grunts). For example if he points to a plane he'll say, "pane" and I'll repeat it and say, "yes that's a plane." And he'll put his hand over his heart and say, "uhh?" And I'll say, "Does Gabe want to go on a plane?" "Jes."

So we are in the lobby at the Vet's office and I said let's go, Gabe. He said, "Harpo?" I said, "Yes, Harpo is going to stay here and we are going to leave to go to bible study." He put his hand over his heart and said, "uhhh?" "No, sweetie, Gabe is not going to stay. We are going to bible study and Harpo is staying here. We'll come back in a little bit to pick him up." Tears welled up in his eyes and he started to cry, "Harpo." It was so sweet. He did not want to leave his kitty there. He was really upset. I had to get down and talk to him for about a minute before we could leave. He's so tender-hearted.

Picture of beautiful baby

We went to the doctor this morning and the baby is PERFECT! When I saw the perfectly round head, tears streamed down my cheeks. Thank you, Lord for such a miracle!! 12 week sonogram.

Tomorrow is the day we've been waiting for.

We are 12 weeks pregnant and visiting the Doctor at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I've felt an immense amount of peace and feel good about everything, but am anxious to see the baby tomorrow. Somehow I just feel prepared no matter what happens. I will post more tomorrow once we've seen the doctor. Thank you to my sweet friend that called to check on me today. I appreciate you so much!

Music has always been a big part of my life. Casey laughs at me because I can sing words to songs from the 70s that he's never heard. When I was growing up my parents would have their radio alarm wake them up to 103.7 KVIL. This was the easy listening station in DFW at the time.
But I am a recorder. Once I hear a song I start to sing it over and over again, and most the time I don't even realize I'm doing this. Casey likes to play tricks on me sometimes and will start singing a song ON PURPOSE...and he'll wait to see if I start singing it. I fall for it everytime! :)
It's really cruel because he always seems to choose one of my least favorite wiggles songs or he'll start singing the theme to Bob the Builder.

Anyhow I said all that to sort of explain how music effects me. This is proably the same for everyone, but when I listen to music I make very stron associations with memories and stages of my life. I can hear a song that I listened to back in Highschool and it will illicit all sorts of memories from that time. "Nothing Compares to You" by Sinead O'Connor takes me back to highschool and me and my 2 bf Tam and Jen belting it out as we drove around. "Life means So Much" by Chris Rice takes me to a specific time of running on Lake Michigan in 2003 right after we found out about Casey's cancer. I ran and cried the whole way listening to that song and felt so alone. At the time that we found out Casey told me he didn't want us to tell anyone. (Of course that only lasted about a day after I later confessed to him that I had told my parents).
The same thing happened to me the other day. A sweet friend from Chicago sent me a Lullaby CD as a pregnancy congrats present. We decided to play it at bedtime to see if we could get Gabe to go to bed easier. "Brahm's lullaby" came on and I began to sob. It took me back to April of 2006 when I would rock Gabe in our room as we lsitened to a similar CD with this same song on it. I would rock him and cry, grieving for Nate. It's so amazing to me how our brains work. It has probably been at least a year and a half since I heard that song. And it immediately took me back.

Gabe loves music too and it's so precious to see him enjoy it at his age. A lot of the time, I listen to The Word or other Christian talk radio. But occassionally I'll put a CD in of Chris Rice or The Beatles. He starts to clap everytime!

The struggle with food

I do not want to make it a struggle, but sometimes he won't eat anything. So tonight we had chicken pot pie and he actually took a couple of bites but that was it. So he kept asking for a "cook" and we said no cookie until you have this last bite of chicken. He was coloring at the table because that was the only way we could keep him seated. I said, "Gabe, you cannot have a cookie unless you eat this one bite, do you understand?" He looked at me and took a bite of his crayon. I could not help but laugh. He of course proceeded to spit it out immediately.
He really is a pretty good eater. He just won't try certain things. Some foods he loves:
Guacamole from pretty much anywhere but began eating guac from Chipotle.
apples (not the peel)
oranges (but sucks on them and spits out the fleshy part)
loves mixed nuts (go figure...this seems strange to me)
raisins
grapes
pudding snacks
any kind of juice...apple, mixed Dole juices etc.
Silk soy milk
cookies (but who doesn't)
mashed potatoes
steak sometimes
chicken sometimes
any kind of bread
goldfish crackers
fruit abu snacks
any kind of snacks
there's probably more but now I'm tired. :)

It's funny how he has selective hearing. All in the same sitting he had gotten up from the table and was climbing on the couch, pulling a clean comforter off the couch...etc... Casey and I were snickering at the fact that we knew he could hear us but chose to ignore us. "Gabriel, come and sit down and have one more bite. Come and sit down, please." I whispered to Case that if we said "do you want to watch the wiggles?" he would acknowledge we were speaking to him. Casey decided to test this theory. Of course, Gabe said, "jes." hee hee. That was cruel on our part because we were not turning the wiggles on.
He's just so darn cute!
He's saying so many words. He can count to four but he skips number one. "too, tee, poh" So adorable. Being pregnant gives me a very short-term memory so I need to start jotting the words down when he says them. I can't think of them now.

This picture is after Gabe ate a ring pop. :)

Must see this Video

I don't watch Oprah but my friend sent me the link to this video. Amazing! You must watch this. A very good reminder of what is really important in life.

http://video.stumbleupon.com/?s=ithct48cqw&i=ufcchmyxqsuj9vwsemax

Gabe is learning more words

Well I've posted a lot lately without pictures because our still camera is not working. We've instead taken lots of video and I intend on posting some footage soon. (Don't hold your breath, though cause it might be a while). :)
Gabe has learned the word obey. I was putting him to bed, which is out of the norm. Casey had gone to meet some of our friends from Colorado for dinner and I was putting Gabe to bed tonight. I'm not a bad mother I promise. We got into this routine a long time ago as a way for Casey to be able to spend time with Gabe in the evening. And now we've figured out that towards the end of the "night, night" routine I cannot be in his room or it is MUCH harder to get him to sleep without a lot of crying. He just will not let me leave. But when Casey puts him down, he goes to sleep peacefully right after he says "Ameen." He obviously has learned to manipulate me. But tonight I had no choice. We went through the whole routine and he said "Ameen" at the end of our prayer. By the way I want to jump in here and mention something so sweet! When we are about to pray we ask Gabe who he wants to pray for. It's always Mama and Dada first and then "Ab" and "Em", his 2 cousins. Abby is his favorite right now. She is 4 so they play together very well. Anyhow, he said "Ameen" and I said "night, night. Go to sleep." Well to make a long story short, he did not let me leave and was in and out of his bed." Finally I said, "You are going to time out if you get out of your bed again." SO to time-out we went. And I asked at the end if he was going to obey mommy and stay in his bed. He said "bey, bed" and kept repeating it. He would start to get out of his bed and I'd say, "You are not obeying mommy." And he would jump back in and lay his head down and say, "bey." It took everything I had to not laugh out loud. Well after being up there for an hour I finally laid in his toddler bed to keep him from getting out and we both fell asleep. Ahh, the joys of motherhood. I love being a mommy!

Missing Nate

I've been very weepy and missing Nathaniel a lot in the last several weeks. To be honest since we found out we were pregnant. Why does that make me miss him? I haven't thought about that question a lot and maybe I'd come up with a good explanation, but right now I just miss him and cry often about it. I'm amazed at this miracle God has given us, but then question why he couldn't have given us the miracle of healing for Nate. Why do I even go there? Questioning God's sovereignty is really getting old for me.

Politics

Here's an interesting web site where you can see how your political views compare with the candidates. Pretty interesting! http://www.electoralcompass.com/

9 Weeks pregnant

We are now 9 weeks pregnant and I still can't believe it! Sometimes during the day I'll have this thought, "Wow, I'm pregnant." It feels as if I had forgotten for a little bit. I think I'm having these thoughts and feelings now because all my pregnancy symptoms have subsided. I feel better than I've felt in a very long time! I've started walking/jogging which makes me feel better physically and mentally. I joked with Casey during the 1st pregnancy that I was born to be pregnant. :)

Gabe is growing up

He is just so darn cute! He can say "Yes" which is "es" which is the sweetest. He also says please which comes out "peas." And when Casey was putting him to bed the other night he asked Gabe to sing with him. Casey began singing the "Big Red Car" song by the Wiggles. One of the verses goes, "Beep, Beep, Chug, chug, Big Red Car." Gabe started singing "Beep, Beep." So cute! It's amazing how much they know at this age. I am the proudest mommy on the planet.

Mom's worry

I just heard the other day that Green Tea blocks folate absorption. I read this on my anencephaly support web site that I try to read once a week or so. I have not done my own research but was very saddened when I read this.
I started drinking green tea back in the beginning of December. I have to ashamedly admit that I had not been taking my 4 mg of folic acid, however I was taking a B vitamin. Of course it's natural for fear to creep in because I always wonder what if anything I could have done differently with my first pregnancy. Which in my heart I realize is ridiculous because God allowed Nathaniel to die and that was God's plan for our lives. He was my special baby boy who avoided all the pain and hurt of this life and went straight to heaven to be with Jesus, which is where we all hope to go someday. My dad said it perfectly in his eulogy of Nathaniel, "Nathaniel lived a virtually perfect life. He spent 8 months next to his twin brother Gabriel and then was welcomed into this world briefly by his loving parents, grandparents, and friends. He then went to heaven where he will never suffer from sin or hurt."
All that to say that I think as a mom it's my natural tendency to worry. But then my worry is magnified because of the experience we had in our first pregnancy. Our doctor has agreed to do a sonogram at our 12 week appointment so we can make sure everything is ok. (Nathaniel was diagnosed at 12 weeks).

Pregnancy Symptoms and Other Happenings

Well I am definitely feeling pregnant. For the past 3 weeks I have struggled with nausea and being very tired! I mean super tired!! Recently my symptoms have changed a little. Now in the morning I feel great! I don't feel nauseous and am full of energy. But then by the afternoon I feel very tired, dizzy and a little nauseous. The main symptom here that is very different from my first pregnancy with the boys is the dizziness! I feel like I'm going to pass out. Very strange. And by this time in my last pregnancy my symptoms had subsided, although I did take a nap daily.
So I'm guessing it's a girl. hee hee :)
And we already have a name picked out if it is a girl (we picked out the name while living in Chicago).

Chuck E. Cheeses

We took Gabe to Chuck E. Cheese's over on the west side tonight. My dad "Papo" brought cousin Em and Ab to join us. They all had a lot of fun, even Casey! :)

Here they are doing the Hokey Pokey. After the song the staff threw tickets up in the air, so they gathered up lots of tickets for a neat prize at the end.

Good News!

We are pregnant! I've been waiting to post this great news so I could speak to some people in person, but I couldn't wait any longer to make this announcement!
We are in awe of God's blessing! We were told back in August that due to results of some tests we would still have to go through IVF because we could not get pregnant naturally. We were going to start IVF in October but at that time found out we had additional fertility insurance coverage starting in January. We were planning on starting IVF in the next couple of months.
We are currently 6 weeks pregnant! It still has not sunk in. So this is what it feels like to get pregnant naturally. You are a week late and you take a pregnancy test and it's positive?? What? What happened to the month and a half of grueling shots and endless doctor appointments? Thank you Lord for such a blessing!

God knows all things and is incredibly sovereign! When we did our first IVF cycle I was so disappointed that we did not have any embryos to freeze. But I also knew that if we did have frozen "babies" we would absolutely have to give each of them a chance at life. God knew full well the outcome and now I am praising Him that we don't have frozen "babies." Amazing!

Out to Dinner

I decided that it would be fun if tonight we took Gabe to the Rainforest Cafe. Maybe not such a good idea. By the time Case got home, we got there about 6:30. Gabe was so tired that he ended up falling asleep at the table. He was also scared of the roaring lions. We'll have to try again another time.

New Year's Resolutions

Here are mine for 2008
1. Be more organized
2. Lose those last 20 pounds...or maybe 30. :)
3. Be the best mommy in the world!
4. Be the best wife in the world!
5. To be finished Christmas shopping by Dec. 15th!
6. To complete some 5Ks and a couple of 10Ks.
7. I resolve to Get in shape, stay in shape and get pregnant....that's an oxymoron I think. :)

I love the new year! I always feel that renewed sense of energy to tackle new projects and old ones for that matter. I love Christmas but it always is so stressful, and every year I vow to not be out shopping on Christmas Eve but end up shopping on Christmas Eve. 2007 was no exception!

Biggest Loser

I have entered the Biggest Loser contest...of Heritage. Our neighborhood is having a Biggest Loser contest. Everyone who enters pays $10 and then the winner, 2nd and 3rd place get a % of the kitty. I need something to motvate me so I'm going to be the Biggest Loser. :) Our first weigh-in is Sunday, Jan. 6th.

Amazing Love

These past several weeks have been to my surprise fairly difficult. I have been surprised by the grief over Nathaniel that I experienced. The first time it really came out of nowhere was a few days before Christmas. I walked into Garden Ridge in Hulen and began to cry. What?? Where did this come from?? Very bizarre. I called Casey and he reminded me that I was the Mommy so of course I would be sad. And he also reminded me that we found out that we were pregnant while we were in Garden Ridge. I had completely forgotten that. Perhaps that was it. I'm still not sure what it was.
Yesterday evening I was sitting checking email and watching TV after Gabe went to sleep and received an email from a new friend that completely overwhelmed me. It reminded me once again that God is sovereign and cares even about me and all the little things going on in my life. This friend offered to help make a scrapbook for Nathaniel. Wow. I sobbed as I read her email because I couldn't believe how incredibly amazing God is. The email came at the perfect time. I'm simply amazed right now. I can't even put into words the feeling I have. I'm grateful, in awe, amazed. It reminds me of the song, "Amazing Love." I cry everytime I sing it at church. It describes better than I ever could my amazement and awe of His Glory and Love!
Amazing Love, How can it be.

"Kike"-filled Christmas!

Santa came to our house and boy was it fun! This was the first Christmas that Gabe actually knew what was going on. He asked Santa for a "Kike" and a "choo choo," and Santa delivered! Gabe received 2 bikes from Santa, one is a motorized motorcycle and the other is a Schwinn trike. He also received a hot wheels-type trike from Mimzi and Grandpa that makes motorcycle sounds! 3 "Kikes"...Wow! Santa also brought a train table and a little train set, a tractor playset, a pair of shoes and a couple of DVDs, one is the Wiggles, which puts Gabe in a trance! hee hee.

The minute he saw the motorcycle from the top of the stairs, he said, "KIKE!" And now when you ask him what Santa brought he says, "kike, choo choo."
Santa brought mommy a salad spinner, a tea pot, workout clothes and a telescope. We saw the full moon through the telescope the other night and it was amazing!!!

Meeting Santa Claus

We went and saw Santa Claus last week. I was determined that I would take him this year. Last year he did not go and I've lamented about it all year long.
He was such a good boy as we waited in line for Santa. Of course mommy wasn't thinking clearly, because we got in line right about 11:30...lunch time. I normally always have some sort of snack in his diaper bag, whether it's goldfish or a Fruitabu, and I always have a drink for him. Well not on this day. He was hungry the whole way through the line and got ancy towards the end. He was pointing to his mouth and whining. He then spotted a boy in a stroller behind us and the boy had an unpeeled banana sitting in the tray in front of him. Gabriel walked up and pointed to it and almost grabbed it. I quickly picked him up and apologized to the mom and said, "sorry, he's hungry." I truly just said this to justify his actions. But the mom gave him half of the banana. That was really generous and sweet of the lady. Gabe gobbled that banana up so fast. And then it was time to meet Santa. We waited in line for about 30 minutes. I wasn't sure what to expect. Casey and I had been talking a lot about Santa the past week and pointing him out whenever we could. He then started pointing to Santa and saying "anna." Mom replies, "Yes, that's Santa."
He actually walked up to Santa and only hesitated a little. He sat in his lap and just leaned his head away from Santa's head. I think he didn't like the beard so much. He was so cute, though. No tears and just as brave as he could be. As we were walking away, I said, "Ok Santa, Please bring us a bike and a train." So we've been talking this train and bike thing up pretty good. And now when we ask Gabe what Santa's going to bring he says, "kike" "choo choo." I cannot wait for Santa Claus to come to our house. Christmas was always such a big deal at my house. I found out the Secret of Santa in 4th grade but we always continued to do Christmas the same and then of course, Lauren was born so Santa always came to our house!!!
But now that I'm older and trying to establish new traditions for my family, I question how much emphasis I really want to place on Santa. It's hard to not just do what you grew up with, especially since it was such a good experience. But I do want Gabe to understand what Christmas is really all about. So we talk about this a lot. My sister and I plan on baking a cake on Christmas day and singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. This makes so much sense to me now. I remember hearing about someone doing this before and thinking it sounded strange. (Don't ask me why). I mean this will really speak the children's language because they understand birthdays! I tell Gabe that on Christmas it will be Jesus' birthday and we will sing...and I proceed to sing the song. He seems to love the Birthday song and always gets really calm and quiet when I sing it. He's so precious.

Casey just recently taught him how to give eskimo kisses. So adorable! That's all for now.