Email between friend Susan who carried twin boys, one with anen.

Happy Birthday, Ryan and Chase‏

From:	Susan and Mark Ertel (noworries2@sbcglobal.net)
Sent:	Fri 2/16/07 10:29 PM
To:	Angie Moore (acmooretx@hotmail.com)

Angie,

I think there was a reason that our little angels were not with us for long.  God had a reason for taking them so soon.  I cannot believe that Faith is still alive.  I think that you were to focus on Gabriel's health, God and Nathanial knew that.  I felt so guilty that I was not the person holding Chase when he passed away, but I had to hang on the the belief that he and God thought it would be too painful for me.  I am not sure if I shared this story with you, so forgive me if I am repeating it, but at one point after the boys were born, I was holding Chase and thought that he passed away.  He took in a deep breath, then no more.  The nurse came over to check with the stethoscope and said that there was barely a heartbeat.  I started bawling and holding him so tight.  She checked again and it was beating much stronger.  Anyway, my sister in law, was holding him when he passed away and we have a closer bond because of that.  

This may be way out there, but someone once told me that Chase made a couple in heaven very happy that could not have children.  I don't think that we will ever get over losing our boys.  I do understand your anger and sadness.  I feel it as well, especially when I hear of women with perfect pregnancies.  If it was not enough to go through infertility.  Anyway, I am thinking of you and anytime you need to talk, please call.  I am happy for you and your decision to be home.  Gabriel will love it!

Love,

Susan

From:	Angie Moore (acmooretx@hotmail.com)
Sent:	Fri 2/16/07 10:23 AM
To:	Susan and Mark Ertel (noworries2@sbcglobal.net)

I love that stone!!!  Where did you get it?

I am actually still working at Motorola but do plan on quitting at end of the month.  God told me this week that I'm not supposed to be working.  I was staying on to exercise some stock options that become available in early May but God said no amount of money will give you back the time with Gabriel.  Pretty profound so I knew it was from God...I could not have come up with that myself!  :)

We are having a party I think on the 24th, the day after their B-day.

I wasn't sure what to do for Nathaniel.  I like your idea of a birthday banner.  So sweet!

Ok, I was balling the other day.  On the anencephaly support web site, a woman posted a few months ago and said she was carrying twins.  I sent her an email and asked her to call me if she wanted to.  I never heard from her and then she posted again a few days ago.  her twins were born on January 15th and Faith had anencephaly.  Faith is still alive and at home with them!!!  Can you believe that?  I was stunned, and of course wanted to be happy for them but was so mad that I only got an hour and a half with Nathaniel and this person gets a month or more!!  Of course after I was angry for a few moments I was able to be happy for them, but it just made me miss Nathaniel so much!  And I'm still so upset that we did not get a picture of the 2 of them together.  :(

Anyhow, I wanted to share that with you since I know you understand. 

Take care.
Love,
Angie

From:	Susan and Mark Ertel (noworries2@sbcglobal.net)
Sent:	Fri 2/16/07 9:57 AM
To:	Angie Moore (acmooretx@hotmail.com)

The party was fun, but went by so quickly.  Ryan is starting with the toddler possessiveness about his toys - it was quite interesting.  Anyway, I had  a new silk flower arrangement made for Chases's memorial.  We also put a solar light out there and attached a small Happy Birthday banner.  It was quite cold on the 4th (-10 degrees), so we did not stay long.  I also purchased a stone and had that at the party with a photo of the two boys together underneath (attached photo).  We will put the stone by his tree this summer.  

Are you enjoying not working at Motorola?  How is Gabriel - what is he doing now?  Will you be having a party?

Love,

Susan

On Feb 15, 2007, at 9:56 PM, Angie Moore wrote:

Hi.  
I wanted to see how your party was?  I have a gift for Ryan that I'm putting in the mail this weekend.  :)
 
Did you do anything special for Chase?
 
Love,
Angie

From:	Angie Moore (acmooretx@hotmail.com)
Sent:	Thu 2/15/07 9:56 PM
To:	Susan and Mark Ertel (noworries2@sbcglobal.net)

Hi. 
I wanted to see how your party was?  I have a gift for Ryan that I'm putting in the mail this weekend.  :)

Did you do anything special for Chase?

Love,
Angie

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From: noworries2@sbcglobal.net
Subject: Re: A message sent from your Personal Web Site
Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2007 16:33:35 -0600
To: acmooretx@hotmail.com

hello Angie!

I will update my email address book.  How are you?  How is Gabriel?  Thank you for the Christmas card - what a beautiful picture of your family!  How was Christmas?  Ours was a whirlwind and so fun to see it through the eyes of a child.  We are preparing for Ryan and Chase's first birthday, as it comes with great joy and sadness.  I attached the invite, even though I know you are not able to come.  Congratulations on your permanent leave from Motorola!  How exciting for you.  I feel blessed with my work schedule and to have the two extra days at home with Ryan.

Anyway, the last time that I received an email from you, you had said that you were placing a blanket by Nathaniel's grave?  What was it like?  And how does it stay put?

I hope you are doing well.  Email soon if you can.

Love,

Susan

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